to add a little more to my post below: one of the most difficult things to do when trying to play this DIY game is to take off your creative writer hat and put on your creative producer hat.
the creative writer in me adores every syllable that comes out of my weird brain. my creative writer side hears each phrase, each melody and harmony, as an expression of some thundering river of emotion, loaded with truth and potency. the creative writer hears nothing but how incredible the song could be, and works hard to fulfill that potential.
but at some point, after you have a draft of a finished product, it's time to stop listening to the potential of the song, and listen to the song itself as others might hear it. in my mind, there is nothing more difficult.
anyone who knows me can tell you that i hate, hate, hate, HATE to hear criticism. i've never been good at it, and i know it's one of my faults. so i've developed a habit of being as aggressively critical as i can of my own work once it's done, trying to listen with the most jaundiced, unwelcoming ear possible; that way, i can anticipate criticism from others, and work beforehand to try and fix any problems or weak spots that might stick out to other people. my fiancee cassie knows this routine well: i listen to something over and over, trying to forget how it sounded when it was a work in progress and trying to view it as a whole composition. then, i turn to her and say, are you sure this doesn't sound too x, y or z? she usually looks at me like i'm nuts, since these self-critical listening sessions most often chase ghost problems that don't exist, but every once in a while i hear something that's real.
thinking like a creative producer means being willing to kill my favorite children, if that's the price i have to pay to make a song better. it means keeping perspective and realizing which songwriting goals are important and which are not. it means hearing my own creative expression in a dispassionate way and figuring out which moments are successful and which are getting in my way. it's my least favorite part, because it flirts right on the edge of self-doubt, which can be the beginning of a crippling death spiral for a writer in the middle of writing something. but, i know that if i want this album to be great -- not just good, but great, like anyone who pops it in and listens can't fail to hear that it's a significant piece of writing executed with a clear, consistent vision and impeccable craftsmanship -- i have to be as self-critical as possible, and not settle for songs or lyrics or melodies that are "pretty good". there are too many great, great artists out there doing the same thing i am, trying to punch through in the same way i'm trying to do. if i want this to be a breakthrough album, i have to earn it. otherwise the gap between ambition and execution will be apparent to every listener.
part of the reason i write this blog is to sort of rev myself up to do the more difficult things, like rewriting a song i already like. the more i type these things out, for all the world to see, the more i commit to doing them. so now i'm all in with this rewrite, and i know it has to be better than the original, but that kind of pressure is usually great for me; it always has been in the past.
so, look for a new song in the future, probably called "wait", that will be a rewritten (and improved) long way off.
